Backstabbing ??? GUILTY PLEASURE till now :(

I'm not backstabbing you guys (though you think so) I've changed my mine. I just don't want to get KARMA by bullying her anymore. I've been bullying a person since the sixth grade. I bullied a guy in grade six because he's so gay, acting so girly. I always bullied him by making fun of him, shouting beside his ears and etc( i don't wanna talk about it right now).

I'm not a perfect angel okay??? I do till now a bit struggle with my own identity. After I make that promise, I kept telling jokes about her and telling how lame her brother was. I felt so terrible and yet like you guys I'm enjoying it. LISTEN to me, that GUILTY PLEASURE that I told you was the day I'm making decision to be a good person and I hope a got a light from it but it's just so hard not to bully her because, yeah she's not in our school anymore.

I know she's a good pretender, a gold digger actually, she's always cry but in the same time she didn't wanna ask for some help and she's always count on you guys but you guys can't count on her back. I know she told that the boys are hell. And she's made us feel terrible about her. But why don't we just forgive her???

And not talking about her. Work with me guys. I can't do it alone. I keep making fun of her brother when you did it. Because it so funny, and plus I'm enjoying it till now. But I'm afraid of KARMA guys. Do we even want to be right in her place???NOPE right????

I'm not backstabbing you cause at the first I'm on with you guys, you rocks, yeah doing the sin is fun but then God told me " this is not right !" "you worship me, but you killing her slowly" " she's my creation like you." " treat her like the way you wanna be treated.

At that day, I got lightning struck and I made my guilty pleasure but then I realize I can't do this by my own. It's not to late to go back. I love you guys so much, but she need us to stop doing it (bullying by words).

I did this because I love you guys, c'mon we've been together since the first grade. I saw a light in you guys. I don't want we getting KARMA so I write this in my blog.

You know I wrote GUILTY PLEASURE because I was so upset with you guys. We act like we've never been taught about socialize. Although I agreed she's bad.

GIve her a chance to live her life amd let just leave her with her own way, it'll be better if we go to the mall and when we met her, act like an old friend.

I don't wanna have an enemy... YOu gotta know that I love ya' guys though you hate me. This is for our own good.
As soon as you read this, talk to me privately at school guys. I'm so sorry at first, yeah that's not enough. BUt please just ....
HELP ME !

Guilty Pleasure (Real Life story about bullying)

I love to bully my friend, even though I'm not enjoying it all the time but I felt so good about it. Let me tell you my story.

There's a girl in my class, she'd been bullied for a year because she's doesn't come from a wealthy family (our school's students most of all come from a wealthy family). She used unbranded shoes, unstylish clothes. She's not as smart as the other students so it's been hard for her not to fail the test.

She had a brother and his brother is so weird, I mean his hair shape like a bowl and looked like a hunchback. His brother name is uncommon too so the boys in our class like to tease her all the time about her shoes to her brother.

At first, I was on her side all the time but then I began too laugh when all of my friends teased her. I feel really guilty about it but I can't stop myself... I mean the temptation not to laugh is just so hard.

I don't know what am I thinking about. I'm the one that's helping her to deal with her bullies but secretly I bullied her. Till....Once she told our teacher that she want to kill herself because she felt our school is like a living hell for her. I was shocked about that. 

On the next year she changed her school that isn't as expensive as our school ( because of financial problem). My bestie told me that she's got a new life there... maybe because the her friends come from the same economic level.

I'm happy for her though I don't want to show it to the others who bullied her. But something just happened yesterday.

My friends decided to trick her. They set a date for meeting in a mall then all those bullies came to her but not just that some of them agreed to wear branded stuffs so that she realized that she's nothing compare to them ...that was the plan that I know. (at first I was kinda excited to bullied her again but..... doing the same thing again like in the past till she wanted to kill herself is not good. I don't want to be a someone who makes people suicide.)

Yesterday, yupp... that's right! The bullies teased her ( all the bullies from the past, her ex friend ), she cried. I didn't see the bullying part because I got a dance lesson with a friend. When I got there, she seemed fine(although I know it's so painful when your pals who support you all the time worked with the bullies to make you down) and we chit-chat a while and she left because her mom already picked her up. I know she faked a smile so I cannot know what was going on that day.

That moments strucked me, I'm such an evil....I'm not a batman nor a joker but I'm both of them. Sometimes I wanna help her but sometimes I just don't. But now what I feel horrible about myself (what on earth am I ?) till I can just betrayed her and laughing when the others bullied her??? 

After that tragedy, all those who bullied her felt happy though they felt a bit guilty. Suddenly there's a voice in my heart that said " This is not right !!!". Who on earth are we till we can bullied her all the time??? We have no rights !!!

Now I promised I won't bullied her again nor everybody. I've been bullied my friends a lot though only laughing when the bullies making fun of them. I want to learn more to show some respect to others.

Money is not everything. It comes and goes but friends will always be there whenever you need them. 

Last, I want to say sorry to my friend, who'd been bullied. Cheer you up !!! I will never let those moments brings you down again, cause your life is worth for me for now a friend is what I needed most. AND...to her bullies,,, get a life!!! I don't care what you want to do to me because what I fight for justice.

From now on my guilty pleasure is over............

LOVE, iSR,  14 y.o. 

I hope those who read this, spread it to your friends so we can prevent suicide from those who'd been bullied. And for you who had been bullied for a long time, suicide is not the right way to over it. You gotta show your friends what you've made of (you are born to be a winner my friends...) tell 'em that you've had enough. Ask an adult to help you too (our teacher is the one who helped her so much but in the end she got out of school because financial problem.)

fight with me for those who's in needs. 

(sorry for wrong grammars and spellings )